Overcoming the Second Great Human Fear:
In the last issue of the
newsletter I wrote about the first of the two great instinctive fears that all
mammals including human beings live with, the fear of abandonment, and I
focused on this fear specifically as applied to the world of business. Now in
this issue I will focus on the second great fear, the fear of entrapment or
enslavement and show how both fears are related to the seven dragons.
First let us examine how
these fears originate and how they come to play such a significant role
throughout our lives. A human being prepares the physical body in the warm and
safe confinement of mother's womb, the manufacturing plant for the vehicle of
essence during its temporary sojourn on the planet. Despite the fact that this
environment is the nurturing nest and incubator for the fetus it is also the
breeding ground of the two great fears of the false personality, abandonment
and entrapment. The womb is so nurturing that the developing instinctive center
of the fetus does not want to be expelled from it and this is associated with
the fear of abandonment. But the fetus is also growing ever larger and in some
way knows that it must eventually leave the womb or die in its tight confines
and this predicament is associated with the fear of being trapped.
When all goes well these two great fears can be minimized
and will recede to the background of life but when there are pregnancy or birth
problems these fears become magnified and begin to take a terrible toll. For
example, if in utero, the emerging instinctive center of the fetus senses that
it is a product of an unwanted pregnancy, the fears of being expelled and
abandoned can become a serious handicap. If on the other hand the fetus grows
too large for mother's pelvis or it becomes trapped in the birth canal during
delivery, the fear of entrapment can go into full swing. This same result can
occur if the essence has ambivalence or some resistance to entering into this
new life. The fetus may be caught in the unfortunate conflict of feeling
trapped if it stays in the womb and trapped if it is born.
These two great fears break down into a variety of sub fears
that I have often referred to as the seven dragons or fear patterns. Here is
how the seven fundamental fear patterns are related to the two great original
fears. Keep in mind that because the two great fear patterns are instinctive to
all human beings, they will be found in all cultures of the world regardless of
race or gender.
The fear of abandonment eventually results in these four
Dragons: Self-Destruction, Greed, Self-Deprecation, and Arrogance
The fear of entrapment eventually results in these three
Dragons: Martyrdom, Impatience, and Stubbornness.
Here is how they relate:
The Fear of Abandonment
Self Destruction comes from a belief that life has no
meaning and therefore that one has no control over themselves or life's events.
The person feels abandoned by parents, by society, and by God. In fact
they feel so abandoned that they are willing to abandon and hurt others, and
ultimately hurt or destroy themselves.
Greed is the fear of lack. The person feels abandoned
by nurturers and by those that would give food, love, and what is needed to
survive. The result is that they clutch and grab more than their share in hopes
of having enough. They too end up believing they have no control over what
happens to them.
Self-Deprecation is the result of feeling a lack of
respect, esteem, and honor by those who matter. These people feel abandoned
by those that would praise, acknowledge, and value them. The result is that
they cower and slump in shame and mortification. They abandon themselves.
Arrogance is a result of feeling abandoned by
those that would give them attention and make them feel special and desirable.
This results in their resorting to bragging and strutting to get attention.
They abandon who they are in order to present a more acceptable mythical
The Fear of Entrapment or Enslavement
Martyrdom is the
fear of being trapped by people or circumstances. They feel there are no options or
alternatives for them but to complain and whine about their plight.
Impatience is the
fear of being trapped by a shortage of time. These people become slaves to time and always
feel rushed by self-imposed deadlines.
Stubbornness is the
fear of being trapped by authority and by change that one is not prepared for.
Now these fears do have some overlap. For example a
person with arrogance is afraid of being judged negatively or found wanting so
this lends itself to the fear of abandonment. However , being judged can
also feel like entrapment. The
fear of being vulnerable is also a fear of being trapped by intimacy
that is just too frightening.
History demonstrates rather
clearly that human beings are perfectly willing to make slaves of each other
for profit, revenge, and to prove superiority over those vanquished in battle.
Dominant parties have deprived countless millions of human beings of their
freedom through slavery, political imprisonment, and oppression. However, these
are just the more obvious forms of entrapment. The truth is that there are many
ways humans can enslave, restrict, trap, and limit their fellow beings. For
example in stratified societies certain groups of people often pass laws to
prevent other groups of people from holding political office, voting, marrying between classes, owning land, and a
host of other limitations to human rights. Women and minorities in most
societies have suffered the most limitations and this is still true today as
exemplified by laws depriving homosexuals from marrying, lower wages for women,
and other various types of discrimination. But entrapment and limitation is not
always an official phenomenon. More often than not it comes in subtle forms of
prejudice, bigotry, manipulation, and oppression that can pass unseen from the
public eye. In almost any organization, tribe, family, group, or even in mate relationships you can witness varying
degrees of restriction, oppression, enslavement, and limitation. Because of
jealousy, envy, a need for power, domination, vengefulness, and karma people
seem to be in a constant state of stratifying themselves into higher and lower
positions of greater dominance and submission. Here are a few examples:
all manner of psychological machinations children endlessly compete to get
a greater share of their parents attention by resorting to preventing
their siblings from succeeding.
competition among employees in the workplace for the bosses favor with
regard to promotions and raises is no different from the squabbles of
couple relationships we often see attempts to disempower one's mate due to envy of their talents
and abilities, jealousy over their attention to others such as children or
friends, a greedy demand for all their attention, and simply the need to dominate and
enslave them to do one's bidding.
are the parents who subjugate their children, enslave and abuse them, or attempt to
prevent them from growing up by overprotecting them or hanging on to them
out or their own fear of being alone.
Almost everyone at some time in their lives experiences
forms of smothering from parents, mates, or relatives; oppression and
restrictions from coaches, teachers, and bosses due to favoritism or dislike,
and prejudices within society for having the wrong sounding name, the wrong
skin color, clothing style, age, or appearance. Some of the most serious forms
of restriction occur in adolescence as teenagers readily entrap and abandon each
other at will. No wonder adolescence is so painful for most people. For them,
almost everyone seems to be either abandoning them or entrapping them. That is
why they run away in such great numbers.
The fear of being trapped is perhaps most obvious in
relationships between men and women where traditionally the male seeks freedom
to roam while the female attempts to snare a mate long enough to protect and
provide for children. In this sense you could say that men have a greater fear
of entrapment and women have a greater fear of abandonment but this is only
apparently so on the surface and can lead to a great many misconceptions. Dig a
little deeper and you find that both males and females suffer from the two
great fears equally but they may behave quite differently in the way they
handle their fears. There are huge numbers of women who feel trapped in their marriages and scores of men who feel
abandoned by their wives.
As with the fear of abandonment the fear of being enslaved
or trapped is one of the most stressful experiences a human being can suffer.
This is why the worst punishment a society can deliver to its rule breakers is
a prison sentence. To deprive someone of their freedom is one of the most
terrible prices anyone can be expected to pay short of torture and execution.
With this in mind it is significant how many people feel they are under a type
of prison sentence with regard to paying the bills and making a living.
Unfortunately most people in this world feel enslaved by
their jobs and occupations. Few people actually love their work and they do not
feel great freedom to thrive within the context of their occupation. Workers
feel trapped by the employment schedule of their nine to five shift, eight to
ten hour days, five and six day weeks. They feel enslaved by the two week vacation a year that they usually must spend
repairing the house or obligatorily visiting aged relatives. They feel enslaved
by work policies that prevent them from approaching work in their own creative
style, dressing in the way they feel expresses who they are, trapped by
deadlines, and pressure to work long hours. They feel limitations to
opportunities for promotion with better pay and benefits in a world of
outsourcing and downsizing. Perhaps most pervasively employees and management
both feel trapped in the endless poorly run meetings they must attend, often
gritting their teeth while their minds wander to more fertile pleasurable
pastures. And speaking of more pleasurable pastures there is an epidemic of
hits to internet pornographic sites on company computers. So great is the
problem that one company registered three thousand hits to such sites in a
single day. Does this mean that staff are inherently immoral or depraved and
cannot be trusted or does it mean that they feel so trapped in their boring
jobs that they fall prey to the temptation of a few moments of escapism or even
addiction? This is just one more indicator demonstrating that morale in the
American work place has reached catastrophically low levels. Currently less
then half the workforce report any job satisfaction whatsoever.
Creating and tolerating a work environment where the two
great fears of abandonment and entrapment are at an all time high results in
the familiar acts of senseless violence in the workplace that are commonplace
in these times. Perhaps these bursts of violence are not so senseless after all
when you begin to understand that instead of these fears being lowered they are
being heightened on a daily basis. The current fascination with Donald Trump's
"Your Fired" weekly phrase is that the nation gets to watch other people get
the axe, be abandoned, and wiped out, and it is not themselves.
Resistance to acknowledging the two great fears of
abandonment and entrapment stems from the fact that: 1. No one has identified
them or is talking about them. 2. So far no one knows how to resolve the fears
3. Even if they did many corporations do not have the will to address the fears
because they strike too deeply at their key value of profit at all costs. The
key words here are "at all costs." Let us ask, "What would have to happen in
order to reduce fears of abandonment and entrapment in the workplace? What
would have to happen in order to reduce the fears of abandonment and entrapment
in the classroom, the family structure, in marriage, and in society in general?
These are not only the fundamental challenges of our times but of all times,
past and future. These are the questions that must be answered in a
constructive way in order to break through to a new world paradigm. If we do
not abandon one another we will not abandon ourselves and if we do not abandon
ourselves we cannot abandon our relationship with spirit nor can we abandon our
Wherever the answers lay they are in the vicinity of the
following: First we must collectively tell the truth about what is happening to
us or perhaps what is not happening that we are desperate for, love and
freedom. There is no escaping dealing with the two huge fears that we carry
around with us that come instinctively because we are human. We know that
ultimately the cure for abandonment is love and the cure for entrapment is
freedom. That is the starting point but how to implement these two in such a
diverse and complex world is a true challenge of the greatest sort.
As long as the small petty false personality (ego) is in
charge there is no hope of escaping from our dilemma of the two great fears.
The ego is deathly afraid of these two threats to survival and will concoct any
number of manipulations and strategies to avoid them "at all costs". The
solution is providing an environment for everyone where essence can express
To begin to resolve such fears we must start with an
understanding of diversity: By diversity we must go beyond our fixation on
race, sex, religion, age, disability, or sexual orientation. These are surface
conditions that while important, simply do not address the core situation. The
reality is that in this world we have people of five different value sets living
and working together side by side. These value sets are so diverse as to make
it seem as if there were people of five different planets trying to share one
planet. These five value sets I have spoken of many times but again we must
associate them with this discussion of abandonment and entrapment. Briefly the
five value sets are five different orientations to what people perceive as
Five Perceptions or Five Sets of Values
These are also known as maturity levels
Survival oriented: 5%
Rule oriented: 25%
Success oriented: 25%
Each of these groups have the same great needs for love and
freedom but their needs are expressed and satisfied very differently.
The Survival oriented group feel the most free when
they are within the confines of a very strict structure and set of guidelines.
They actually feel the most secure under a strict authority figure who tells
them what to do. Because they have no developed conscience they cannot handle
total freedom without becoming totally inappropriate and out of control. They
become too anxious and get into trouble with a wide degree of options. They
feel most loved when they know their survival needs are taken care of and when
they are told what to do and what not to do. When they feel trapped they become
physically threatening and dangerous. Think of the comfort an infant feels
being swaddled and bundled up in mother's arms.
The Rule oriented group also feels the most free when
they have clear guidelines and structures to follow. They are not so frightened
of surviving but they are frightened of the unfamiliar so they must be educated
and exposed very gradually to the unknown. They feel abandoned when the rules
are changed on them suddenly or if they are fiercely challenged in a way they
do not know how to respond to. They are also frightened when their authorities
are taken from them and they are left to fend for themselves. When they feel
trapped they become belligerent and irrational. Think of the toddler who wants
to know the limits but rebels against them. When they do not know what the
limits are they become frightened and act like little tyrants.
The Success oriented group feels free when they are
allowed to compete and win material prizes and badges of success. They prefer
absolute freedom to make as much money as possible without any restrictions.
They are fiscally very conservative and they like plaques, medals, awards,
money, and more influence. They enjoy access to special clubs and societies.
They feel abandoned when they are ignored and they feel trapped when they are
not allowed to compete or win. When they feel trapped they can become ruthless
trying to get free. Think of the ten year old who wants to run free but also
wants a warm dinner, a hug, and some praise.
The Relationship oriented group feels free when they
are allowed to seek and explore the truth and when they are able to voice their
own points of view that may differ from the status quo. They feel abandoned
quite readily when they are dismissed as crazy, too liberal, or too emotional.
When they feel trapped they tend to withdraw and feel martyred. Think of the
teenager who wants the keys to the car, who wants to have their own opinions
heard, and but who still wants respect as they make mistakes.
The Philosophically oriented group feels free when
they are outside the formal rules of society as in a state of benevolent
anarchy. They feel trapped when they are denied the outdoors and the wide open
spaces. They feel abandoned when they cannot find a suitable path to commune
with Spirit or people to share that path with. Think of the adult who desires
freedom to create and work but who also wants companions on the way.
Until the world is able to identify these five diverse sets
of people and understand them better it will very difficult to satisfy people's
needs for inclusion and needs for freedom because the different value sets are
so often in such conflict. However the most basic ingredients that all people need
are fundamentally the same regardless of diversity. They need 1. basic
nurturing and preferably love and 2.the freedom to develop through the
opportunity to make appropriate choices. The first step is to see that all
infants are wanted and that at the very least they are given sufficient
nurturing and hopefully plenty of unconditional love as well. The only way this
can be assured is for society to take a greater role in determining who is
suitable for parenting and to make sure they get the education and training
required before they take on such a big responsibility. The next step is to
watch children closely to notice what kind of people they are, what kind of
needs they have in order to develop their own personalities to the fullest
extent. Some of those children will need much more guidance and structure than
others. As they develop they can be
given the kind of opportunities that will help them grow in terms of choice
making and using good judgment. The truth is that most young people need
support in making good choices and they need to learn from their mistakes when
they make poor ones.
Now, idealistically providing these ingredients to children
should not be so difficult. In actuality it appears more like an insurmountable
task and yet humans have proved that they are capable of doing the almost
undoable. The truth is that with the evolution of the species this will be the
future sooner or later no matter what and the sooner the human race wakes up to
that the better. The alternative has not worked and will not work. The
challenges are enormous. Who gets to decide who will be adequate parents and
what will be the criteria for good parenting? How does a society prevent those
who should not be parents from having children? Doesn't this smack of too much
social control and does it not mean a meddling government structure that can
make life insufferable? The only solution is to make sure that the people who
answer these questions and whom are the ones who make the decisions are the
wisest among us. That probably won't happen as a result of voting.